Friday, 10 December 2010

my final social observation of richmond, mi

After recently visiting, I decided to conclude my many rants about Richmond with a final and ultimately complete observation of this place.

Hell, commonly known as Richmond, is a small town in Michigan. The three square miles of land contains about 4,900 people. Most of these individuals can be lumped into the general stereotype of redneck or 'dweller of the countryside'.

Since I've ranted frequently about Richmond's faults, I will give the sparknotes version of some major negative characteristics:
  • Mainstream usage of incorrect grammar, example: (I seen that you did your hair, y'all.)
  • Excessive tanning (see fig 1)
  • Outfits including: Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch/ leggings with either Northface or t-shirt (often accompanied with complaints of being cold)
  • Thoughts of being 'different' and 'an individual' by shopping at PacSun/Hot Topic instead (see fig 2)
  • Obsession with pickup trucks and confederate flags
  • General close-mindedness
  • General stupidity

fig. 1   typical complaint

fig 2      'we are special and unlike everyone else'

It being a small lump of land surrounded by acres of corn and soybean fields means that unless the typical local native wishes to drive ten miles to the nearest shopping centre, one must find ways of entertainment within the city limits.

Not only does BP supply petrol, but they also have a large array of coffee, slushie, and general food products. A common BP past-time includes walking barely a mile from the high school after school or sporting events or during lunch to get a refreshing 40 oz. slushie.

Micky D's? T-Bell? With their convenient locations of right next to each other, illegally leaving campus to get lunch has never been so quick and easy.

Or maybe Timmy Ho's is what is desired. Well it is just cross the street from McDonald's and Taco Bell, conveniently located next to the tanning house within Richmond's business district.

If you are a male high schooler you may consider joining wrestling: Richmond's ballet.

Despite general ignorance and dislike for the gay community, wresting is amazingly seen as the 'straight man's sport' due to its wide acceptance because of the frequent state championships, etc.

But when the weekend comes, there are an array of exhilarating activities.
Driving through mud and unpaved areas is a common past-time. Prepare your 4 wheel drive vehicle only to make it dirty again. Feel connected to nature as you wildly do tricks in the grass/mud/dirt.

'mine and the buds off-road caravan to Speedway y'all'

Or if it is hunting season (or not, whatever works), load up your gun and shoot some animals for fun. It completely barbaric the way they laugh about killing a living creature, but whatever makes them feel superior to something.

When you just want to 'party like a motherfucker' and 'get your freak on', just ask your parents for a keg and the barn. Most parents readily supply their children and their friends with the supplies necessary for this important act of drunken socialisation. But really, the only logical place to 'party it up' is in the extreme country-side, because in the subdivisions/neighbourhoods, cops become bored aimlessly driving around and will pounce on any sort of activity. (I don't blame them)

This summer, various Facebook statuses informed me that the famous rapper 'T.I.' was spotted in Richmond. Apparently, he dined several times in a local restaurant called 'Chaps'. (I've never been there, but I've been told that the fish and chips are good.) I am very skeptical of this and I think that the general high school population needed an explanation for the presence of a rich black man being in Richmond.
Rapper T.I. announcing this arrival.

bonding with the local population via a popular pasttime: huntin'

"6.99$ all u can eat??? Driver, pull ovah!" - T.I.